DIVORCE: LEGAL INFORMATION

Listen to your solicitor, but make your own decisions. This is your divorce—so take control of the process!

During this trying time, it is easy to confuse your feelings with the facts. Try to be as dispassionate and businesslike as possible (this will not be easy but your future will depend on wellness of your mental health and the clear decisions you make). View your solicitor as a paid professional rather than a friend or confidante. When your grief is overwhelming, go home or to a friend’s house, not to your solicitor, who is billing you at his hourly rate. Make property division decisions based on your own long-term best interest, not out of revenge. Declaring a war on your divorcing partner will use up your own energy. Make an effort to bring the divorce to a successful conclusion with as little bitterness, hatred and resentment as possible and ignore as much as possible the acrimony from your divorcing partner (ignoring this will annoy him which is fine!). A nasty divorce benefits only the solicitors.

Mediation vs Legal process

This process is very much based on both parties to separate amicably.  I had an option to use the mediation service in order to minimize the mental trauma and expenses/legal costs, but that option was not for me as I knew that my narcissist partner would use the mediation process as a platform to continue to lie and verbally abuse me and control the process and the Mediation process and the experts would be helpless to bring the process to a fair conclusion.  I was also aware that they have no legal powers to control the process.

So I filed for a divorce through a lawyer who said this was a simple case of 50/50 due to a long marriage, but the whole process, instead of 6 months as initially suggested by the lawyer, took two and half years just because the divorce was dragged out by my divorcing partner.  Needless to say, this was a very traumatic and a costly affair.

Before you commit, consider these topics when meeting family mediation or a divorce solicitor 
  1. Check you can get a divorce
  2. Starting a divorce, Costs, Finding a solicitor
  3.  Decision by the Courts
  4. Information gathering for necessary forms
  5.  Mediation Intake Assessment Meeting (MIAM)
  6. Divorce – Decree Nisi & Decree Absolute
  7. Divorce & Consent Order 
  8. Divorce – Financial Needs & decision by the court
  9.  Your home & who keeps it?
  10. What happens if there is no Financial Order?
  11.  Divorce – Final Hearing
  12.  Legal aid

Finances & legal services

Divorce is more complicated where young children are involved.  Fortunately, I did not have very young children to worry about – nevertheless, the following information is helpful regardless.

If there is any chance to reach an amicable agreement, then this avenue should be explored first.   This may happen via

  • mediation or a
  • collaborative divorce solicitor.

In fact, a judge will expect you and your ex-partner to have at least found out about, and preferably tried, mediation before coming to them for a decision. Mediation could help you see if you can decide jointly with your divorcing partner what is best for your children, your finances and your family

Even where matters are handled amicably and an agreement is reached between you, it is advisable to get that agreement drawn up into a legally binding order, and you would be best advised to instruct a solicitor to handle this.

This will mean that, if possible, you ought to gather as much information and documents about your finances as possible (the matrimonial pot, your sole finances and your partner’s sole finances).  This should also include Pensions, assets and properties,  incomes, medical expenses and health insurance costs, if any.  Document everything you can as accurately as you can. You will have to open a bank account in your name, if you haven’t got one.  You will also need to make a list of all the living expenses that you incurred (creating your own budget to help decide your needs).

It has been known in a few cases that divorcing partners, will try to hide as much finances as possible.  You do not want to be short changed, especially when you have to think of your future.

I must admit, going through legal channel will be costly (cost will be dependent upon how much wealth is involved and how difficult is the divorcing partner going to be as this prolongs the case and incurs more costs.  If you are planning to go through the legal services, remember, every minute is chargeable.

So, in my opinion, be armed with as much information as possible.   You, and not some solicitor, should be in control of your divorce, otherwise your case is likely to get stirred up into an increased conflict, which is great for the solicitor’s bank account, but can lead to uncontrolled legal expenses for you.  Sometimes solicitors could act in ways that will complicate your case and make it worse.  The more trouble you have  the more money the solicitor makes.

Again, in my opinion, solicitors will assure and reassure you that they are there to help you emotionally and legally but like I said, every minute is chargeable so spend only as much time as necessary with them.  They may also say that this is a straight forward and simple case and will not take any more than for example 6 months and may cost for example £6,000-£8,000.  Just know that the case can be dragged out by your divorcing partner, especially if the finances are complicated.   I would not consider divorce solicitor as my friend, therefore, if possible, seek help with emotional issues either through a counselor via Social Services and/or have a team of friends and family members at hand to assist.

I was getting lots of advice from friends, family and acquaintances, especially from those who had gone through a divorce many years ago but since then some of the rules have changed,  Every divorce case I believe is unique as it depends on

  • how difficult/acrimonious the divorcing partner will be,
  • how good is the solicitor / barrister
  • the laws applicable at the time of the divorce,

I would strongly suggest that you do your own research (make an appointment with quite a few solicitors (the first hour of initial appointment is usually free) to find out what each one is saying, make lots of notes and check it out on the internet too (be mindful that internet contains good and bad information) and that  as each case is different and very much dependent on how acrimonious the divorcing partner is and how much money is in the matrimonial pot, including pensions, investments, properties, businesses, etc.  Related link:  preparing for a divorce

The courts will follow certain factors and considerations when deciding who gets what.

I hope the information contained on this site is helpful.  Just remember that going through a divorce, one will need a very clear head to be able to make decisions for their own future.  Be sure to keep and stay healthy. If necessary contract Relate to find a good counsellor.

 

Mediation

It is important to understand what mediation is, how it works and whether it can work for you.

Mediation will not be appropriate if there are issues of harm concerning your child, for example allegations of sexual or physical abuse, and/or you have experienced domestic violence, or if there is an imbalance of power within the relationship, for example, because you have a disability or because English is not your first language.

Mediation is a voluntary process where you and your former partner have discussions (which are usually face-to-face but you can ask to be in a separate room from your husband/former partner) with the help of a trained mediator and try to reach your own agreements. You should always seek legal advice on any agreement made with your former partner as it is not the role of the mediator to give you legal advice even if they are a qualified lawyer. Mediators should be impartial and should not take sides. In some circumstances mediators may provide general legal information to both parties during the session if it is appropriate, but they should remain impartial. The mediator is there to facilitate the discussion between you and your partner and has a duty to advise you each to take separate legal advice, either during the process or after.

Mediation is private and confidential and details discussed in mediation or agreements reached cannot usually be disclosed or used against you at any subsequent court hearings. Any financial information that is produced is open information and can be used outside the mediation setting. Mediation agreements are not legally binding. The advantage of this is that the agreement is flexible and can be changed to suit the parties. It also means there are no legal consequences on either party for not complying.

An agreement you reach through mediation can become legally binding by the terms being made into a consent order. A consent order is a legal document usually drawn up by a solicitor setting out what you have agreed during mediation that will then be sent to the court and approved by a judge. Once it has been approved by a judge it will then be legally binding in the same way as a court order. Before signing a consent order, ensure that you receive legal advice from a family law solicitor. If your mediation concerns finances on matrimonial breakdown it is very important that you make your agreement legally binding by creating a consent order or a Deed of Separation.

For mediation to be effective to resolve finances further to matrimonial breakdown, full financial disclosure is required to ensure a fair outcome. It is important to seek legal advice before attending mediation.  (www.rightsofwomen.org.uk)

A successful medication can significantly reduce the cost of resolving issues of finance and children following relationship breakdown and  can be very effective but it does not work for everyone.

Collaborative Family Law:

Collaborative family law can be used to resolve finances further to divorce or matters concerning child arrangements. Collaborative family law involves negotiating with your former partner in a series of face-to-face meetings and through correspondence in an attempt to avoid going to court and to save costs. Unlike mediation, in collaborative law you attend these meetings with your lawyer so you and your former partner will be negotiating with each other with the help of your legal representatives, who must both be trained collaborative lawyers. In addition, psychologists or counsellors can be invited to join the meeting to support you and/or your former partner in reaching an agreement.

If you are able to reach an agreement your solicitor may draw up a consent order (see above). If you are unable to reach an agreement you can still apply for financial relief or for a child arrangements order, but you will have to consult a different solicitor because you cannot use the same solicitor who assisted you in negotiations.

Collaborative law can be a very expensive process and it is important that you ensure your solicitor sends you regular bills and that you keep an eye on the costs. It is also important that you consider whether you will be able to reach an agreement with your former partner or ex-husband through collaborative law. If you are unable to reach an agreement through this process you will have to make an application to the Family Court and instruct a different solicitor or represent yourself. Instructing a different solicitor will add additional costs.

If you have experienced domestic violence then resolving financial or children matters through collaborative law will not be appropriate. (www.rightsofwomen.org.uk)

 

 

Legal Aid:  If you cannot afford to pay for legal costs or if your case is eligible for legal aid (means tested), then you can apply for legal aid. 

You don’t need to get evidence before talking to a legal aid solicitor or Civil Legal Advice, but evidence will need to be produced in order to assess whether you are eligible for legal aid. You can find legal aid solicitors using the Legal Aid Finder.

You could for example get legal aid if:

Check if you can get Legal Aid here Or How to get Legal Aid: Exceptional Case Funding in Family Law  here

 

See the link for relevant updates to the law / process that I think you should be aware of. “What’s changing”   I may not be able to post all updates so please check with Gov.uk or online for any other changes.  You will also find links to many other relevant websites to extract  additional information (highlighted in blue).

 

Familiarise yourself with “Divorce terminology” here

 

Information contained on this website is not “advice”. Please consult your legal services/financial services for advice and  to clarify the latest information relating to your specific situation.